i. I’m aware that this is not something I can win. This distance here is not a game or a competition of who survives better, but I know you are surviving better.

ii. There are whole weeks I don’t think about you but there are days that I realize I’ve forgotten the shape your eyebrows take and it ruins me.

iii. I want to be able to say that I am actively pursuing happiness and that my nights are warm without you around but my nights were cold when you were here so we both know that’s not true.

iv. I don’t want to lie. I just want my truths to be better.

v. You are smiling in all of your Instagram photos and I am still writing poetry about you and sharing it with strangers. I want to be better than this. I know that I will be better than this. But I am not better than this right now.

"#fiancécrushwednesday (Right Now This Is All I’ve Got.)” Trista Mateer (via tristamateer)

You know that feeling when you drink too much
of a certain liquor and then even the sight of it
makes you feel unsteady?

That’s how I feel when I write poems about you.

Tonight I kissed three people on the mouth
because I still don’t know what you taste like.
I feel like I am always two parts tequila,
one part longing.

"Garnish With A Lime Wedge" Trista Mateer (via tristamateer)

(via tristamateer)